Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Controlled Climate

Let me introduce you to my archenemy:

Mr. Breezy

Dun dun daaah: the ventilation system. When I first started work at the archives, this dude was constantly blasting cold air at our backs.

After weeks and weeks of suffering through this, we finally got up the gumption to play with our thermostat (not always the best idea in an archive/special collections office, but we were desperate, and tired of wearing jackets in July):

The room began to warm up! and for a time, things were good :). But . . .the warming trend did not stop. The working room got hotter . . .and hotter . . .
. . . until sweaty-handed me couldn't do my work properly without sweating all over archival documents and rare books. No bueno. So they got me this!

And once again, for a brief time, everything was good. That is, until the maintenance guy arrived. Well meaning, he told us the thermostat was broken, and that was the cause of our overheating distress. The fix? 
no thermostat
Proudly, the maintenance fellow announced that our heat problems were solved. . .we were now on full cool! Which, of course meant that my friend
Mr. Breezy
was back. 
The joys of library living! I have yet to set foot in one whose temperature is just right. Until then,

Chillily yours

Monday, 23 September 2013


Some things I am saying way too much lately. I apologize to everyone who has to deal with me:

1.) . . .for REASONS
example: I ate a ham sandwich . . .for REASONS
translation: There was no reason to eat the ham sandwich. I wasn't even hungry. I don't like ham.

example: I've been eating this ham sandwich ALL DAY.
translation: I've been eating this ham sandwich for the past five minutes.

3.) It ok tho
example: This ham sandwich tastes like ass. . . it ok tho
translation: This ham sandwich tastes like ass, but I'll survive

4.) I fail
example: I couldn't finish the ham sandwich. I fail.
translation: I couldn't finish the ham sandwich. This is more or less inconsequential

translation: a heartfelt expression of one's inner frustrations and turmoil

Friday, 20 September 2013

Nursery Rhyme

I am a doll at tearoom table
Smile, nod, as I am able
Your words choke at me rich and sable
until I can not breathe.
Force fed another fable,
my limbs too stiff to leave.

Words cling to parchment tongue
cleave to throat, freeze in lung
The organ seeks a lunellum
to scrape the vellum clean.
In blank-space new words will come
and I'll say what I mean.

I mean to say--
I mean to do--
my teacup's empty,
so are you.
We sit frozen in tableau
for yet another day;
it is the playroom way.

Monday, 2 September 2013

Uncomfortable animal facts

Because science is interesting . . .but also disturbing. A few things you probably already knew, and didn't need to be reminded of on a holiday Monday. I'm sorry.

1.) Male seahorses give birth by exploding:

2.) Dragonflies are assholes:

"Take the jewelwing Calopteryx splendens. Some males dispense with courtship altogether and just snatch unwary females while they're warming in the sun—even immature ones, shimmer-fresh after emergence from their larval youth. Others, called "stealers," attack and split mating pairs by ramming, pulling, and biting them; still others, "water lurkers," grab a female in the midst of egg laying so they can have their way with her, even if she drowns in the process. Females, for their part, attempt to escape this boorish behavior by flipping, zigzagging, spiraling upward or downward, submerging in water, fleeing at high speed, or fighting back, sometimes murderously.
"Some males embrace females with spiny claspers in a viselike grip that causes damage. Look closely at the eyes of a female darner, and you may well see dark puncture marks. This sort of abuse appears widespread among some dragonflies. In one study of 12 species of clubtails by Sidney Dunkle, a biologist then at the University of Florida, 88 to 100 percent of all females had holes in their heads, caused by a male's iron hold. The aptly named dragonhunter (Hagenius brevistylus) earned the dubious distinction of inflicting more severe damage than any other dragonfly: The spines of his appendages gouged the female's eyes, punctured and split her exoskeleton, and pierced her head, so that a "maximally damaged" female had as many as six holes of varying sizes punched in her head." 
"a male dragonfly uses his penis not just to transfer sperm to the female, but also to remove sperm left in her storage organ from previous matings. When he curls into that wheel position and begins his energetic genital thrusting, he's actually using his rigid, spoonlike, and sometimes spiky, penis to scrape out rival sperm before he deposits his own." 
 - National Geographic
*cringe* well, at least they keep the mosquitos down.

3.) A cat's tongue is not the only thing you don't want to be licked with:

That's right, the male cat's penis has much the same texture as its tongue, being referred to as "barbed." Domestic cats have barbed penises, with about 120-150 one mm long backwards pointing spines, which rake the walls of the female's vagina, triggering ovulation.

^ cat in heat: a sound of absolute abject terror. THE SPIKES! 

4.) Never shake hands with a Dolphin:

Dolphins are one of few creatures (us included) that seem interested in sex for reasons other than straight up reproduction. This is because the large, retractable penis of the male dolphin serves some of the purpose of the human hand in feeling things out--while at the same time serving the purpose of the penis. You can imagine the sort of internal conflicts this must generate. 

Also, this:
     - The Oatmeal

Sunday, 1 September 2013

Warm day

. . .hopefully not the last warm day. Spent some time wandering campus today, snapping purdy pichers: